Saturday, December 24, 2016

The Night Before JITHmas

Image created by Daniel George at Jays Journal

nocramps posted this in last weekend's Party Weekend thread but it really needs to be immortalized so I share it for all of you. Have a happy and safe holiday!

Twas the night before Jithmas, when all thru the blog
Not a poster was lurking, 'cept one dead drunk dog.
The pants they were hung on the mantle with care.
In hopes that they'd finally find some fresh air.
The children were nestled all smug in their bunk
As this spunky old crunker got drunk as a skunk.

Junior in Jays' jammies and I in Jays' cap
My brain being battered by 3 year old crap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a fuss
So I leapt from the loveseat, landed with a cuss.
Then fast to the window I flew like the flash.
Threw open the curtains, threw up on the sash.

The security spotlight stole from Home Depot
Shone brightly down on the not yellow yet snow.
When what to my red eyes there should appear.
Holy Crap! A blue sleigh with eight bluish reindeer.
The driver leaned back, 'mongst blue bunting and ribbons.
It was then that I knew I was seeing Saint Gibbons.

More rapid than fastballs, the reindeer, they came.
He fumbled, then mumbled, then called them by name.
Now! Dosher, Now! Jussel, Now! KP. Now! Tulo.
On! Stromet On! Sanchie. On! Happie. On! Marco.
To the top of the roof! Up on that high wall!
Now Deal away! Steal away! Tv dive away all!

As shots to the stands in the Skydome do fly,
When the bat is unleashed of that rain bringing guy,
To the top of my domed home those blue reindeer flew,
With a sleigh full of toys, and Saint Gibbons too.
Twas then midst a sparkling I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each perfect blue hoof.

As I gathered my wits, then too low to the ground,
Down the vent came Saint Gibbons, with nary a sound.
The fact he could squeeze down the flue stack so slick
Of a gas furnace, was a pretty good trick.
A bundle of booty he flung off his back.
Then took a great gulp from a gallon of Jack.

A choice chunk of chaw he had held in his cheek
Began dribbling dark drool, dripping down in a streak
His blue eyes they twinkled, his blue nose uncanny.
He asked for a hankie, I didn't have any.
His blue mumu covered near most of his belly
That jiggled and jived like a bowl of blue jelly

A shake of my hand and a pat on my rear
And I knew right away I had nothing to fear
He went straight to work with a skip and a dance
And shoved Blue Jay stuff till he filled up those pants
With a wink and a thumbs up and "It's time that I went"
He shot straight back up that hot furnace vent.

The reindeer were restless and ready to go
I wholeheartedly hoped I would hear Ho! Ho! Ho!
He bounced to his sleigh, all blue like some birds
Twas then that I'm sure that he drawled out these words,
As they shot like a blue flame up out of sight.
"Merry JITHmas to all and to all a Good Night!"

'goes to commercial'